Emptiness

“Mine could not be a story about the building of character, but about its erosion, about the slow accumulation of small forces and events that ultimately dries the soul and leaves the heart empty.”
― Gonzalo Munévar, The Master of Fate

A month after the loss of Maggie, when I had finally begun to heal physically and the reality of my life had started to set in I became overwhelmed by emptiness. Everywhere I turned I was confronted with in. Empty womb, empty words, empty arms, just plain empty. I struggled to find a way to fill some of that emptiness. This was the point where I decided to do something for myself and I enrolled in classes via The University of Phoenix online facility Axia. When I was younger I spent a lot of time volunteering in nursing homes and that is where my heart has always been which is why I decided to pursue a Human Services Management degree. I just needed to do something to fill that emptiness.

“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Of course, that plan failed miserably. I am still consumed with all of those same feelings of emptiness, but I am still glad that I enrolled in my degree program. Yes, I often find myself overwhelmed and I can get pretty stressed out around week 9 when it is final project time, but I still think it was a good move even if the reasoning behind it was a bit misguided.

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