Anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows that I use it as a source of therapy. I truly believe that blogging has saved me in many ways. I don’t censor myself here and I know that is why it is helpful. I treasure the connections I have made through WordPress and Musings Illuminated. Not only is blogging therapeutic for me, but it has brought many other women into my life who have shown me what survival looks like. When you share of yourself and you put your story out there others who have similar hurts reach out to you and they share their stories too. This is just one of the many reasons why I feel it is such a betrayal to be told that a woman who has no idea what goes on in my relationship has tried to use my blog against me by claiming that Jason better “watch out” because I am jealous of another woman’s child. I won’t lie, my initial reaction was not very Christian. I said a few sentences that would make a group of sailor’s blush. Now that I have calmed down I will say this: she doesn’t matter in my life. This woman has no idea the amount of pain that Jason and I have survived together in the last year. What is lacking in her life that she needs to gossip about us? What is wrong with people who claim to walk with God but who clearly have no compassion for others?
My faith has been shaken in so many ways but I am still here and I am still trying. I am the first to admit I have made mistakes but those are between myself and God. I may not always say the right thing…scratch that…most of the time I say the wrong thing. I cuss…I get angry and I don’t hold back any punches but I have never sought out to hurt someone just because I can. My compassion and understanding for others is part of who I am and for that I do not apologize.
My prayer is that one day my knee jerk reaction will not be one of anger. I think of my grandmother and some of the things she survived long before I was born and she rarely showed anger. From her I saw love and an understanding for others that surpasses all logical understanding. So, to you the gossip I will say this…
I’ll pray for you.