I am Not Responsible for Your Expectations of Me

I am tired of dealing with people who think that they have any right to tell me how I should: speak, write, act or otherwise deal with the ups and downs in my life. I use my blog to talk about anything that is on my mind from the stillbirth of my child to simple daily frustrations all the way back around to my favorite recipe, book or game. With that being said, I also post daily status messages on my Facebook page mostly to just help me get through my day. For the most part this can be therapeutic for both myself and those who join me in MY Facebook world. I stress the word my because it isn’t “easy” to get on my Facebook page. I have to know you personally or have had some sort of connection with you. There is a great deal I share within my privacy set updates, but there is much I do not share. NO ONE, should ever make the mistake of thinking they know me because they read a status updated. Now granted this blog gets a lot deeper into my life, thoughts and overall psyche, but there is still much more to the complex person that I am.

What you might see on Facebook is a status update complaining about whatever current class I am taking. Why does this offend you? I would like to see you continue to take 4 upper graduate classes a semester while you try to put your world back together after the loss of your child. Then you come talk to about complaining.

Something else you might see on Facebook is a reference to “a bad brain fog day”. Most of my comments about this are reserved for a Fibromyalgia Support group I belong to, but yes many days I wake up with a huge to do list and all I can do is sit and stare. Helpless to make my brain and body engage. With Fibro comes a whole other list of issues I deal with on a daily basis as I wait to have yet another major surgery. So don’t judge me. I know many people have it worse, but this is my WORST and how I speak of it doesn’t affect you.

Sure, there are days where you will see negative status updates and cute animal pictures that make me smile and boost my spirits. You will also see that for the most part I have some very supportive friends and when they have bad days too you can bet you will usually see my support within the comments of their pages too. If not a comment then a well placed picture.

I got a private message from a “friend” that I haven’t seen and have barely talked to since 1997. In this message he listed all of his ailments and then told me to stop complaining so much and that I might see things to be happy about. My answer to him? My child was taken before I ever got to know her and that shows in my daily struggle. Think about that as you get to experience life and frustration with your now teenage son. Do not EVER presume to know me just because you read my status messages. Needless to say I unfriended him. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am being too sensitive but I am so tired of people telling me how I should feel and when.

I do have plenty of happiness in my life. I am grateful for what I do have, but there will always be that sense of sadness. If my “friends” can’t handle that there is something wrong with them…Not me.

To my true friends far and near I appreciate you more than you know. I appreciate the readers I have never met and yet we understand each other. I appreciate the ones who are always there with an encouraging word or hug when all I want to do is cry. I am forever grateful for the select few who know me well enough to know that they can come and crawl into bed with me and say nothing at all when they know I am not feeling very approachable at all and am just tired of being alone.