Grandparents Day

I almost did not write this blog because lately I am an emotional mess, but like a moth to a flame here I am writing it all down just the same. When I was growing up Grandparents Day was not one of those known calendar holidays. In fact, I never actually heard of it until I was in my early 20’s and just happened to see a card for “Happy Grandparents Day”. Growing up I always told grandma “Happy Grandma’s Day” on Mother’s Day and for grandpa “Happy Grandpa’s Day” on Fathers Day.  This always made them smile because they knew it was a my little girl way of letting them know they were just as important as my mom.

I’ve done everything but move on like I’m supposed to
I’d give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you

Days like this hurt the most because I feel so alone in my grief for them. They both shaped my life in such a meaningful way that I find it gets more difficult with each passing year rather than easier. I think this is because my life has gone on without two of the most important people in the world who were there for everything. The good, the bad or the ugly my grandparents loved me. Never did they threaten to disown me because we had a disagreement. They taught me what unconditional love is while others continue to show me what it is not.

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I don’t know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don’t know how to do this

So today, even though I cry I smile through my tears remembering that first year when I was 20 years old that I showed up at grandma and grandpa’s house with a cookie cake  that said “Happy Grandparents Day”. It was from publix and there was this cheap little plastic thing on it that said “Happy Grandparents Day” which grandma turned into a magnet that stayed on their fridge until after grandma’s death in 2007. I sure do miss those smiles.

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