Confessions of an Insomniac

Why yes, that was me who scrolled your page 42 times at 5 A.M.

It used to be that I would fall asleep with a book. Now, it often happens while I am in the middle of reading some poor souls blog posting. Rest assured (do you rest? If so, I hate you) this has no bearing on the content of what I am reading. It can be the best blog of all time and still happen.

9 P.M.– Damn I am tired, way too early for bed. I am probably in the middle of my night-shift chat time with the bestie and still have school postings to finish.

Midnight– Holy shit where did the last 3 hours just go?? Sleepy I am, lets give this whole “sleep thing” people tell me about a try..non-ambien style.

1 to 2 A.M.– ALMOST asleep or sometimes even actually asleep AND HERE HE COMES. Oh you know the one, that one asshole (I love you babe, really…I do…) who climbs into bed like an ape, wakes the bitchy insomniac up and then is promptly snoring less than 10 minutes later.

2-3 A.M. respectively– Toss, turn, kick, covers on, covers off, hug Mr. Bear (yes, I am 32…STFU, this is not the time for that story), throw mister bear aside and hug nice cool pillow…AHHHHHHH.

Thirty Minutes Later–Picks up phone, OH LOOK I have a message. Lay in bed and laugh at phone….turn on music, rinse and repeat last part of 2-3 A.M. scenario.

Twenty-five Minutes Later (This is a very precise hell you know)– Me: “FUCK THIS” Get up, grab laptop and climb back in bed all the while glaring at that dumb-ass who is snoring. SOMETIMES, I cover his nose and mouth so he wakes up for a minute thinking he is having a choking dream. Don’t judge, he is lucky I didn’t smother him with my pillow at this point.

Open laptop and the light disturbs him…OH POOR BABY. Let me feel sorry for you…hang on…yeah, I got nothing. If I am lucky I wake up an hour later, laptop desk kicked over with my mouse scrolling some random blog. At this point it would take much too much energy to put the laptop on the floor so I just set it at the end of the bed, curl up into a little ball and AHHH sleep. Vowing to take my ambien at 9 P.M. forever more. Usually I wake up about 7 A.M., still an hour before sleeping beauty’s internal clock wakes him up for work. YES THAT IS RIGHT, another reason to want to smother him, he doesn’t NEED an alarm clock. His body just says, wake up, it is time and most of the time he does. Me, the alarm clock, snooze button person unless I don’t have a damn reason to be up is sooo jealous.

HOWEVER, (are you still reading) should I take the two seconds to lean down and put laptop on floor…instant wake up call. At this point I look at him, he is so cute with his little boy man face and I seriously consider smothering him with my body pillow. Toss, turn, look at clock SCORE,6 A.M., socially acceptable to get up and write the blog that has been circling my head for the last two hours.

Yep, pure jealousy on my part but the only reason I don’t smother him most nights is I am not completely sure I could get an insomniac on the jury and I’m much too pretty for prison…..