Emotional Baggage

543908_454464851287880_1277341468_nSometimes being a strong woman is so exhausting and I just want to lay down and give up. The trouble is giving up simply is not in my nature. I had better examples than that through the women in my life while I was growing up. By the time my grandmother passed away at the age of 86 she had survived so many tragedies. Some things I did not even know about until after she passed away. When my mom was a toddler she had a much older brother who was killed in a shark attack off the coast of Miami, Florida. I do not recall the year but the date was June 25th. Many years later (20 years I think, not positive) my cousin drowned on June 25th. Many years later my grandfather passed away on June 25th, 2006. What I didn’t learn about until after grandma’s death is what mom told me when Maggie was stillborn. Grandma had a miscarriage before mom was conceived. That woman remains the strongest person I know because she never let all of that make her hard. She was the sweetest person I ever knew.

She is the reason why I don’t just lay down and quit. There is so much on my plate right now that I am on virtual overload. Every time I turn around more is being loaded on and I feel like I am going to snap. I will never be the gentle soul that grandma was but she still inspires me to keep going. I wish I could just climb into bed with her and pour my heart out. If she could tell me everything will be okay I might believe it were true because right now I just do not see how “okay” is ever going to happen.

 

 

“Down”

I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I’d never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.

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